The Interlude

She gets up at the crack of dawn, looking perfect already. She makes her bed so nicely it could’ve been in a hotel suite, gets in her full daily workout, showers, makes a plant-based breakfast, and throws on the daintiest gold hoops. Finally, she’s ready for the day…all before 8 a.m. 

How does she do this? It’s simple: She’s That Girl.

The “That Girl” trend has taken TikTok and Instagram by storm. Meant to be the model for a healthy, fulfilling lifestyle, That Girl videos are compilations of routine tasks, presumably shot all in one morning, to show That Girl living her best life. Videos listed under the #thatgirl and #thatgirlaesthetic hashtags garner millions of views. What’s not to envy? 

It’s hard to define who That Girl is, but generally she is someone who wakes up early, exercises regularly, journals her feelings, always looks put together, and eats healthy food. She has a great skin care routine (not that she needs it), probably uses Olaplex, and nearly exclusively wears matching activewear sets in neutral colors. She has it all. 

That Girl’s been around social media in some shape or form for years. She’s permeated Tumblr and Pinterest with aesthetically pleasing collages, and showcased her seemingly-perfect life on Instagram. The longer she’s been around, the more forms she starts to take on. Now, That Girl might be described as having the “Clean Girl” aesthetic, or maybe is a self-proclaimed minimalist who tidies her all-white apartment with her cordless vacuum cleaner. 

Every task That Girl flawlessly completes is relatively harmless — many, like taking a moment to journal, or cooking nutritious meals, are really great habits. But the That Girl trend implies this is the way That Girl always is. In theory, being That Girl is meant to be motivating. Motivation that you can achieve all of the things you want. Motivation to keep your space clean and yourself healthy. Motivation that you, too, can live a fulfilling lifestyle if you just get your ass out of bed at dawn and work really hard!

These videos are both inspiring and calming to watch; usually, they’re accompanied by soft music or ASMR sounds. That Girl’s house is clean and has a neutral palette. Her showers look luxurious, her food looks delicious. It’s easy to want to be that. 

Hell, I want to be That Girl. I spent the better part of the last year trying to be That Girl. Besides my full-time job, I wanted to make a commitment to freelance and to work on my own personal music. Maybe, I thought, if I just worked a little bit harder, and did what That Girl does, I could be living my perfect life. 

I bought four different versions of gold hoops and agonized over whether my matching workout set was cute enough (even though I worked from home). I made my own Hot Girl Walk playlist and planned to split my time up after work between exercising, cooking a healthy dinner, and working on my passion projects.

And honestly, it wasn’t all bad. Every time I pushed myself to try and be That Girl again, the first few days went well. I felt accomplished and productive. I cleaned my whole apartment, and then took aesthetic pictures of my space and posted them to Instagram. Romanticizing my space made me feel on top of the world.  All of my friends seemed to love the pictures, too, which only boosted my ego more.

After a few days, though, I began to grow tired and frustrated. I was stuck in a loop: I was tired, because I got up early. Because I was tired, I didn’t feel like working out, or cleaning the whole house after work. I never felt able to focus enough to get anything done, and ultimately felt ashamed when I would spend five hours on TikTok, dreading the thought of writing a single piece or turning on my piano. How was I not getting anything done beyond the bare minimum of working my shift and feeding myself? 

Here’s the thing: “That Girl” is hyperproductivity masquerading as self-care. 

That Girl goes all day long. She is an energizer bunny. That is antithetical to rest.

There are many issues with how glorified the trend has become — for starters, That Girl is always white, skinny, and wealthy. Essentially, she’s a personal-productivity version of a girlboss. Especially because much of this is broadcast on social media, it’s easy to get caught up in the competition of it all. 

Women are consistently pit against each other in the media. Outside of celebrity “catfights” and “who-wore-it-betters”, we see groups like #MamaBear, #Wifey, and of course, #girlboss and #ThatGirl. While on some level, they serve to recognize other groups of women and their successes, it mostly succeeds in breeding an air of competition. If someone else is girlbossing, you better be girlbossing harder. If someone seems like the best Boy Mom there is, then you better strive to be even better. More still, these groups often exclude BIPOC, LGBTQIA+, and trans women. 

Trends like these not only force us to compete with other women, crushing the hope of forming a meaningful community, but they turn us against ourselves. 

Since my goal was to be The Most Productive, all the time, doing something that wasn’t on my detailed agenda for the day made me feel like shit. I would beat myself up for not looking cute, or forgetting to shower that morning, or eating a pint of Ben and Jerry’s one night. It made me feel like I wasn’t taking care of myself. Turns out, that couldn’t be farther from the truth. Once I started napping, or taking days off from exercising, or knowing when I needed to let my mind rest, I actually became more productive, because rest is productive. 

Distancing yourself from the “hustle” mindset is difficult, and there is still part of me that says I do not deserve to rest. Honestly, I didn’t even want to give myself a nap break to write this article, because that isn’t what That Girl would do. But ultimately, taking time for yourself is more productive in the long run. 

I gained so much mental freedom once I allowed myself some wiggle room. When I had properly rested, I felt way more energized to work out. Taking time to do nothing and zone out after work gave my brain a break, and I’d come back after dinner ready (and really wanting) to work on my hobbies and passions. 

My attitude surrounding my day-to-day life is a bit more neutral now. If I get a bunch of tasks done, great — and if I don’t, I trust that I’ve done what I needed to do to take care of myself for the day. The shift in mindset has made me live in the moment more, and really listen to what I need. 

Sometimes I still watch those TikTok videos with envy, wishing that my life was that aesthetic or put together. While there are admirable things about the That Girl aesthetic, it is not indicative of a real, fulfilling life. “That Girl” is not a lifestyle, nor should it be, because we need balance. Generally, I think it’s a great reminder that what we see on social media doesn’t match up with what real life is.

It’s okay to look up to inspirational content. After all, it’s meant to be motivational. But we cannot let it dictate our lives and, more importantly, our self-worth. So go ahead: Spend some time journaling, take a walk, or maybe throw some extra greens into a meal today. Just don’t be afraid to go to Taco Bell instead, or head to bed early, or spend your whole evening on TikTok. That’s where I’ll be the rest of the day.